Ancestors

Mick is big into genealogy and has been researching his grandmother and her parents. Yesterday, he found a man he thinks is his great grandfather. He found a lot of information about the man's time in the Boer War and WWI. He was reading me some of the war documents as he went along. Mick remembers that his Nana never really talked about her parents. Seems her dad kind of disowned her and her sister. He died when she was around 10 years old but was in the war for a few years before that so she really didn't remember much about him, at least not that she shared with Mick.

Anyhow, I'll get to my point and thoughts. :) Mick was reading out about his great grandfather's alcoholism and I said that didn't surprise me since he was in a couple of wars and we really knew nothing about PTSD at that time. He kept reading and sure enough, the man was discharged for "shell shock" and had neurasthenia and eventually died from complications due to prolonged time in the trenches. Where am I going with this?

It pays to have as much information as possible, and to not make snap judgments. If Mick had stopped reading when he saw that on his great grandfather's military contract he disowned his wife and children, he might have thought less of him. If he had stopped reading after he learned his great grandfather was an alcoholic, he might have thought less of him. When all the pieces are in place, it's much easier to see the whole picture. Judging people on things we read about them, rumors we hear, even actions, is foolish. We can't know people's motivations. We probably don't understand their situation, even if we think we do. Because Mick kept reading, he learned much more about the man, about his struggles and difficulties and maybe glimpses into his motivations. Empathy and impartiality makes such a difference. And we've come a long way in recognizing the struggles of soldiers and in treating PTSD, though there's still lots of work to be done!

Another thought I had about genealogy...what would a descendant find about me? About my parents? My grandparents? Well, my understanding for finding information about genealogy is it relies heavily on war documents, marriage and birth and death certificates, land deeds, and official records like that. What official records do I have? I have a birth certificate of course, and there will be a death certificate. I suppose registration and licenses would pop up, so MFT or psychologist records might be helpful. What would these say about me? What would an unbiased third party gather about me?

I don't think anyone starts digging into their ancestors in the hopes of finding jerks or thugs or liars or cheaters or murderers. We would all love to think that our ancestors were honorable and highly lauded and successful. The truth is, people are people and the decade or lineage doesn't matter. That doesn't mean I don't believe genetics play a role in our lives, but I definitely believe our environment shapes us and we all make our own choices. So Mick has some ancestors that weren't as honorable as he is. I do too. And so do you. The good thing is we all have ancestors who were successful, good people that deserve praise. And we have to decide for ourselves how we live our lives to be good people here and now, and good people for the future as well.

As someone who's lost both sets of grandparents, I recognize the not only have I lost four amazing people that I wish I could have had more time with, I've also lost important bits of history. A couple of years ago I asked my parents to write in journals which I gave them, stories of their past, stories about their families. There are times when my dad or mom will say, "Oh, I wish I could ask so and so about the name of that street or that friend or when that happened." I want to have a record of their stories, their jokes, their lives before and after meeting each other. Obviously, I have my own stories of my friends and my family and my partner and my education. And I try through blogs and journals to keep some records of these stories. So I wonder too if all these electronic records will make it easier or harder to know one's ancestors? In 100 years, will someone be able to read these words still? Will they have been discarded as my travel journal likely will have been? Is the internet a more permanent or less permanent record?

These are just the thoughts I've had while thinking about Mick's searches. :)